How was your Mother’s Day? Really.
I have had some very interesting conversations with mother’s over the last few days and their experiences have been very mixed! Most of them said they go in with low expectations, so as not to be disappointed.
But WHY are we disappointed?
Don’t get me wrong my Mother’s Day wasn’t terrible! My kids made me very thoughtful gifts and wrote beautiful cards. I even used my Mother’s Day powers to get them to do housework! I set the timer for 30 minutes and said ‘GO!’ There’s a lot you can achieve in 30 minutes when there’s 4 people sharing the load – who would have thought???
So back to my question of WHY we are disappointed….
As women (and especially Mother’s) it seems that our ‘job’ is not appreciated or acknowledged MOST of the time. We just DO IT! We organise the kids school & after school activities, pay the bills, do (majority) of the housework, organise the social calendar, buy the gifts for friends/family/partners, sign the school notes, make the lunches, cook dinner, deal with the emotional ups and downs of our children AND some of us work as well!!
I’m exhausted just writing that sentence!
Most of the time we do it with love (and on auto pilot)….most of the time. But sometimes on days like the over commercialised Mother’s Day where we are sold to believe we will be taken care of, we will not have to lift a finger, we don’t have to organise anything…..and it doesn’t happen….we feel RIPPED OFF!!
But is that our fault? Partly YES – we have grown up in a society where women still tend to do majority of the home duties. Even in families with two Mum’s – there’s usually one who does MORE. Don’t get me wrong I am well aware there are always exceptions to the rule – there are plenty of partners out there who do help a lot. I feel it comes back to the mental load that no-one can see or measure. You can count loads of washing or dinners cooked, but it’s the other stuff that flies around a mum’s head all day every day that you can’t quantify. Personally that’s what I’d like a break from… to switch off the mental load even for a day.
So that’s why I’m proposing we change it to MOTHER’S WEEKEND next year. On Saturday Mum’s can go off for the day and do whatever we please – sit and read a book in a cafe. Go out for lunch with our girlfriends, go for a bushwalk, have a massage. Sunday can be spent with the kids, our own Mum’s (if you are lucky to have yours) or other friends & family and appreciate these amazing creatures we created!
Who’s in? I think I’ll start a National Campaign!!
But in all seriousness – how can we get the break we are all looking for? You know the answer – you need to schedule in ‘ME’ time. I can hear you groaning from here! We all think we don’t have time but I bet you could find one hour a week! Or 20 minutes per day? Can you do that? You could schedule in a regular coffee date alone or with a girlfriend. It could be the yoga class you keep missing. Or why not go to bed half an hour earlier to read your book (that basket of washing can wait).
Or here’s a novel idea – we could ask for help.
Sometimes we expect our partners to know what we need (so many emoji’s I could insert here!) but I can assure you, most of them don’t! Maybe it’s worth sitting down and chatting about how you can share the load? I know some of you reading this are single Mum’s and have probably already sworn at me! I totally understand you are doing more than your fair share of the load. Do you have other Mum friends that you can swap with? You could have her kids while she has her one hour and vice versa.
You know the saying – it takes a village to raise a child.
For those of you with older children, it may be a chance to ask your kids for help too? I’m thinking of implementing the timer more often in our house – it really is amazing what you can achieve if everyone pitches in.
We can also feel good about raising our children to be competent adults!! Considering they are likely to live with us until they’re 40 – I suggest you ask for help now!
It’s the same story over again – where can you find some ‘ME’ time in your busy life. Because if you don’t, you will just get more tired, more resentful, more cranky – do you want that to be your every day experience?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please feel free to share your little ‘ME’ time suggestions & I can update this blog with some of your ideas. (Just get in touch here.)
I know it can be hard to ask for help – but please try it. You won’t be sorry.
Jane x
