Belonging – Jane Ainsworth

I recently read ‘Bright Shining – how grace changes everything’ by Julia Baird. If you haven’t read it – I highly recommend it – especially if you have been feeling a little disconnected lately.

The intro on the inside cover goes like this….

‘Grace is both mysterious and hard to define. It can be found when we create ways to find meaning and dignity in connection with each other, building on our shared humanity, being kinder, bigger, better with each other……So what does grace look like in our world, and how do we recognise it, nurture it in ourselves and express it, even in the darkest of times?’

It is such an interesting read. Julia shares some horrific events that have happened to people and how they have coped, reacted and in some cases forgiven the most heinous of crimes.

At our purest human level we are all born ‘good’ – we all come into the world wanting to be loved, nurtured, cared for and most importantly to BELONG.

But somewhere along the way, bad things happen. We all have our challenges but some people really get the rough end of the deal. Some of these people share their stories in this book. It was a reminder for me to count my blessings and to take stock of what I can do to bring more GRACE into my life and the lives of those around me.

We don’t always know what’s going on for someone else, whether the person is a stranger, your neighbour or your partner. We are conditioned to respond to stress in a different way, depending on our own experiences. Some people are open & honest about how they feel and can easily express their emotions. Others mask their feelings, they can have a shut down/turn off mechanism when things get tough and become aloof or withdrawn. Others just simply ‘get on with it’. And then there’s people who just charge through stress with all the emotion screaming out of them.

Having a bit more awareness of other people’s responses can help us not to take things so personally. We’ve all been in situations where someone has responded to a conversation or a situation in a way we weren’t expecting. We’ve gone home and played it over and over in our minds, wondering what went wrong. Or wishing we’d reacted or said something differently. How many times have you been in this situation and the other person isn’t even aware you feel upset?!? When you become more aware of not ‘reacting’ so quickly to other people’s responses, you can save yourself a lot of grief! (This leads back to my favourite topic of boundaries. When you have really clear boundaries it is much easier to not be so affected by other people’s reactions/moods/comments etc – but that’s for another newsletter!)

So what is grace & how can we achieve it?

‘Grace is more than simple kindness….It spawns generosity, compassion and empathy. It involves understanding, recognising another person’s humanity and walking in another’s shoes, which can pave the way for forgiveness’.

How can we make this is our focus in a world that is showing us the complete opposite? War, poverty, murder, domestic violence……and on a smaller scale (but equally significant and scary) – depression, anxiety, cyber bullying, body shaming and self doubt?

Start with kindness to yourself. Take yourself ‘off the hook’ occasionally. We are forever busy, getting stuff done, going here, there & everywhere. What if there was on off switch? What would you do??? Allow some freedom to explore what lights you up and reflect on what makes you so amazing.

When you are FEELING more compassionate towards yourself, it’s easier to show kindness towards others. I know most of you personally and know you are all beautiful, kind souls. How can you show generosity, compassion and empathy to those around you? It’s amazing how quickly that generosity, compassion and empathy is returned to you. Remember small acts of kindness create CONNECTION.

We all crave connection, so let’s make that our priority.

We all want to feel loved, to feel connected and to BELONG.

If you are struggling with connection – please reach out. To me, to a friend or family member or one of the many online support networks. Sometimes we need to ask for help and that’s OK.

As Brene Brown says:

‘ We don’t have to do it alone. We were never meant to’

A quick bit of news before I sign off…..I have changed my work days at the clinic so I’m now working Thursdays 8.30am – 7pm and alternate Saturdays 8.30am – 1.30pm. Which gives me a day to study (aagghhh says my brain) and gain more knowledge and information to help you! Watch this space….

Remember if you are booking online & have trouble finding a suitable appointment time, please call or text me 0418 450 921. Sometimes the booking system doesn’t give the correct availability.

Sending you the biggest hug so full of love and CONNECTION.

Remember – you are not alone.

I hope to see you soon.

Jane x

Has anyone ever told you ‘you’re too sensitive’ when you get upset over something? Or called you a ‘hot head’ when you lose your cool? Maybe you find it hard to express any emotions because they are all bottled up inside.
You are not alone – emotions are tricky things to navigate.

I am currently reading Brene Brown’s ‘Atlas of The Heart’. She has spent decades researching emotions and how they are defined, the impact they have on us and how important is to be able to articulate our emotions. It is a fascinating read. She is very honest and open about her own challenges which I find so refreshing. What resonates with me is how important it is to be able to articulate or share our emotions. Women are generally better with expressing emotions (and some men too) as we tend to talk and share and unload with our family or friends.
But not everyone has the ability to access and articulate their emotions or they may not have anyone to share them with.

I have the opposite problem – I have been ‘too’ emotional for my whole life!! As a child I was quite shy and sensitive (I know some of you will find that hard to believe!) In my earlier years I certainly felt I was too emotional in a negative sense. Now as an adult and a therapist, it makes sense I ended up choosing the work that I do!

I am fascinated with emotions – hence maybe a tiny crush on Brene Brown!
Now as I observe my daughter starting to go through the pre-teen emotional changes, I see so much of myself in her. So I am trying to instill in her what a beautiful gift it is to be so in touch with her emotions. Emotions are there to guide us, to let us know how we feel and to respond to our situation accordingly. Besides, with my family genes she’s bound to cry whether she’s happy or sad!

Unfortunately many people have no idea how to express their emotions. Either they can’t find words to articulate their feelings or they don’t know how to access and explore these emotions. For some people there is shame or discomfort with certain emotions…for example, anger is bad or crying is a sign of weakness. Every single emotion is a way for our bodies to try and express something that we are feeling – this feels yuck, wrong, icky, fabulous, amazing, peaceful etc…

One of my all time favourite movies is ‘Inside Out’. if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. If you have ever wondered what’s going on inside someone’s brain, this gives a really great insight. It is about 11 year old Riley and it takes you inside her brain where there’s this amazing control panel and the emotions are played by different characters – Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear. As Riley goes through her day and experiences all the different emotions – they are adjusting the controls to respond accordingly. Joy (the voice of Amy Poehler) is awesome. She wants to be in control all the time and tries to deter the others from touching the control panel. At the end of the day they load all of Riley’s memories (represented as coloured balls) to store away. The golden balls are ‘core’ memories – ones that Riley will always remember and are significant in her childhood.
Long story short, things go haywire, they lose all the golden balls and Joy has to try and fix everything. The stand out point in the movie is when Joy realises that in some of these ‘core’ memories, there is also a touch of sadness or anger or disgust or fear. All of these emotions are present in Riley’s core memories, not just joy.

My point in sharing the movie with you is that all of our emotions help us to navigate how we feel. We can feel sorrow and joy in the same experience. We can feel fear and have someone help us through to feel safe again. These emotions are not isolated.
They fluctuate and change all day, every day.

Happiness seems to be the goal for most people. ‘I just want to feel happy’. But how can we experience happiness, if we haven’t felt sad or down or disheartened? How would we know that happiness feels better?

As humans we are on eternal rollercoasters of emotions – we need to appreciate the down turns as well as the upturns. Most of us have been at the bottom of the dip where everything feels dark and hard and like it will never end. But then we start to climb up again and feel just a tiny bit better. We may even go all the way up the top and feel happiness, joy, excitement….and then plunge down again. Or it may be just a tiny dip in the rollercoaster and we are on our way back up again. We may have days or weeks where we actually get off and have some equilibrium for awhile….

Life is never even keeled – this is part of being human and having human experiences. Knowing how to navigate these twists and turns, knowing that you will come out of the ‘downs’, is what we are all striving for. When you are on the rollercoaster by yourself, it always seems scarier.

This is why I LOVE the work that I do. I use my ‘gift’ to hold your hand while you are on the rollercoaster, to guide you with words or herbs or nutrients – to steady you and help you navigate the twists and turns.
If you’re ready you can book online here

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Love Jane x

Tag: Belonging

Are you feeling disconnected?

Have you ever felt TOO emotional??