Has anyone ever told you ‘you’re too sensitive’ when you get upset over something? Or called you a ‘hot head’ when you lose your cool? Maybe you find it hard to express any emotions because they are all bottled up inside.
You are not alone – emotions are tricky things to navigate.
I am currently reading Brene Brown’s ‘Atlas of The Heart’. She has spent decades researching emotions and how they are defined, the impact they have on us and how important is to be able to articulate our emotions. It is a fascinating read. She is very honest and open about her own challenges which I find so refreshing. What resonates with me is how important it is to be able to articulate or share our emotions. Women are generally better with expressing emotions (and some men too) as we tend to talk and share and unload with our family or friends.
But not everyone has the ability to access and articulate their emotions or they may not have anyone to share them with.
I have the opposite problem – I have been ‘too’ emotional for my whole life!! As a child I was quite shy and sensitive (I know some of you will find that hard to believe!) In my earlier years I certainly felt I was too emotional in a negative sense. Now as an adult and a therapist, it makes sense I ended up choosing the work that I do!
I am fascinated with emotions – hence maybe a tiny crush on Brene Brown!
Now as I observe my daughter starting to go through the pre-teen emotional changes, I see so much of myself in her. So I am trying to instill in her what a beautiful gift it is to be so in touch with her emotions. Emotions are there to guide us, to let us know how we feel and to respond to our situation accordingly. Besides, with my family genes she’s bound to cry whether she’s happy or sad!
Unfortunately many people have no idea how to express their emotions. Either they can’t find words to articulate their feelings or they don’t know how to access and explore these emotions. For some people there is shame or discomfort with certain emotions…for example, anger is bad or crying is a sign of weakness. Every single emotion is a way for our bodies to try and express something that we are feeling – this feels yuck, wrong, icky, fabulous, amazing, peaceful etc…
One of my all time favourite movies is ‘Inside Out’. if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. If you have ever wondered what’s going on inside someone’s brain, this gives a really great insight. It is about 11 year old Riley and it takes you inside her brain where there’s this amazing control panel and the emotions are played by different characters – Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear. As Riley goes through her day and experiences all the different emotions – they are adjusting the controls to respond accordingly. Joy (the voice of Amy Poehler) is awesome. She wants to be in control all the time and tries to deter the others from touching the control panel. At the end of the day they load all of Riley’s memories (represented as coloured balls) to store away. The golden balls are ‘core’ memories – ones that Riley will always remember and are significant in her childhood.
Long story short, things go haywire, they lose all the golden balls and Joy has to try and fix everything. The stand out point in the movie is when Joy realises that in some of these ‘core’ memories, there is also a touch of sadness or anger or disgust or fear. All of these emotions are present in Riley’s core memories, not just joy.
My point in sharing the movie with you is that all of our emotions help us to navigate how we feel. We can feel sorrow and joy in the same experience. We can feel fear and have someone help us through to feel safe again. These emotions are not isolated.
They fluctuate and change all day, every day.
Happiness seems to be the goal for most people. ‘I just want to feel happy’. But how can we experience happiness, if we haven’t felt sad or down or disheartened? How would we know that happiness feels better?
As humans we are on eternal rollercoasters of emotions – we need to appreciate the down turns as well as the upturns. Most of us have been at the bottom of the dip where everything feels dark and hard and like it will never end. But then we start to climb up again and feel just a tiny bit better. We may even go all the way up the top and feel happiness, joy, excitement….and then plunge down again. Or it may be just a tiny dip in the rollercoaster and we are on our way back up again. We may have days or weeks where we actually get off and have some equilibrium for awhile….
Life is never even keeled – this is part of being human and having human experiences. Knowing how to navigate these twists and turns, knowing that you will come out of the ‘downs’, is what we are all striving for. When you are on the rollercoaster by yourself, it always seems scarier.
This is why I LOVE the work that I do. I use my ‘gift’ to hold your hand while you are on the rollercoaster, to guide you with words or herbs or nutrients – to steady you and help you navigate the twists and turns.
If you’re ready you can book online here
I look forward to seeing you soon.
Love Jane x